In this week’s Inspirational story, Rosalind Bubb describes herself as a happy and peaceful person, despite being childless and having had 12 miscarriages. Yes, I know 12. That is A LOT. I’ve known Rosalind for a while and she is the happiest person you could meet. So what’s her secret?
Over to Rosalind,
Where are you on your journey now?
Hello. My name is Rosalind. I am 47. Although I have had 12 miscarriages (the last when I was 39) I can truthfully say that it feels as if I have had none at all. I work as a miscarriage support therapist, using Skype video, helping women all around the world. I don’t have any children.
I’ve been very happily married for 19 years. (We have a dog and a cat, but I definitely don’t consider those to be surrogate children.) Being childless doesn’t cause me any pain. My husband and I live happy and fulfilled lives and we feel blessed and grateful for all that we do have.
It was not always like this…
What’s your story? And what helped you to heal?
I was 32 and we had been married for 4 years, when we decided to try to have a family. I became pregnant after 4 months. At 7 weeks there were signs that all might not be well. I phoned NHS direct and the lady I spoke to suggested resting in bed. I spent a gruelling week there, wishing and hoping that it would all be OK. At the end of that week my GP sent me for a scan, which showed that the baby had died 2 weeks earlier. A natural miscarriage eventually followed. I felt as if my heart had broken.
My next pregnancy went to 8 weeks, before there were again some ominous signs. Another scan revealed that this pregnancy was ectopic. After a tortuous week of monitoring hormone levels, I was given a drug which caused the foetus to be reabsorbed, and I effectively had another miscarriage.
My third pregnancy seemed to be fine. My 12 week scan was delayed to 14 weeks, and I had the biggest shock of my life, when they told us the baby had no heart-beat. The next day I had an operation to remove the baby’s remains, which didn’t go well and I ended up staying in hospital. Two days after I came home, my husband flew to the other side of the world to deliver a training course, which was staggeringly hard to deal with. I felt as if my heart had been broken again, and this miscarriage took a lot longer to get over.
Two weeks before my scan, I had been taught to use EFT “tapping” (Emotional Freedom Techniques) and I used this on myself throughout the whole experience, tapping for hours each day. (It’s sometimes described as being like “emotional acupuncture” – but without the needles!) The tapping reduced the distress somewhat, and made me feel able to face each step. I honestly don’t know how I would have got through it all, without it.
Once I had begun to recover, I started to train intensively, in EFT “tapping”. I added it to my existing practice as a hypnotherapist and NLP practitioner, and gradually found myself doing most of my client work with it. As I became more and more highly trained, I used tapping systematically, to clear the emotional pain, distress and trauma from my many, many miscarriage memories.
Having been pregnant 12 times, I calculated that I spent over two years of my life, either being anxiously pregnant, or in the immediate grieving aftermath of a miscarriage. That is an awful amount of time, and involved a great number of distressing memories! It was a gigantic relief, to be able to make all of the pain from them go away, so that they just settled. I knew that these events had happened, but they didn’t intrude, and they no longer hurt at all. There was nothing I needed to stop my mind from resting on: it was all ok.
Without the ability to remove the emotional pain from each of the miscarriages as it happened, I certainly would not have gone on to become pregnant 12 times. (The incidences of mental ill health amongst women who have had multiple miscarriages are understandably high.) [Read more…]