I hear and feel the crack in my ankle as I crash to the ground.
‘Are you Okay?’ Roger asks.
I get up slowly up and hobble gingerly to the nearest seat. I can feel my left ankle throbbing and don’t need to look at it to know its already swelling. My right knee hurts too where I landed.
A selection of words (not suitable for repeating here) is running through my head, and the loudest are ‘that was a massive hole why didn’t you see it?’
It’s 28th January this year, the day after my birthday. I feel broken, battered and bruised, limping with both legs, immobile, REALLY fed up, low and depressed.
I’ve been here before, many times. I damaged my ankle playing netball at school and this used to happen regularly until I had surgery 15 years ago. It will always be weak because it has fewer ligaments holding it than nature intended. And, because it was a loud crack I’m worried I’ve done some major damage.
I spend a couple of days feeling sorry for myself and then decide I’ve had enough, I realise I know the three steps I can take. They worked before, and last time there was some unexpected magic, maybe that will happen this time too.
Little did I know, but this decision started a chain of events that have forever changed me in many wonderful ways.
Step One, ask for help
I realise that because I was looking too far ahead I didn’t see the hole, so instead I focus on one thing. Ask for help, in a safe place where I know I’ll get kindness and empathy.
So I ask some business colleagues and my lovely friend Helen Rebello suggests Cranio Sacral Therapy (CST) because it can balance your system after a shock. I’d had CST with Helen previously so I’m happy to give it a go and she finds me a lovely lady who lives close by.
Step two, be open to new possibilities.
I’m not going to explain how CST works because I don’t really understand it myself, all I’ll say is you lie on a couch (fully clothed), the therapist touches your head, spine and feet and wonderful things happen. I don’t know whether it helps my ankle, but it helps me a LOT and even after the first session I feel relaxed, peaceful, calm and more balanced.
And, because I’m open to new possibilities something unexpected happens: after a few sessions I discover a magical connection to my body, I realise that I can actually FEEL it and say ‘I AM MY BODY’ something I would never have previously even imagined.
Step three, follow your heart.
With a sprained ankle any yoga which requires standing up and balancing is impossible so this is when I fall in love with Yin. A little while later I start to hear an inner voice, at first it’s a whisper and it’s persistent. I realise it’s my heart and it’s saying; ‘I want to learn more about Yin Yoga, and I feel that Emma Peel can help.’ I decide to follow it.
So we’re back to step one – ask for help. If you read my previous blog you’ll know that Emma said yes to 1-1 lessons. So we’re looping round steps two and three. You get the picture.
My head believes I want to learn how to do the various asanas (seats) but my heart has other plans. It is sneaky, supporting me to relax, to trust, to go with the flow, all those things I’ve resisted until now. And this time I listen and follow it.