When was the last time you felt complete, unadulterated joy?
Let me guess, you’ve also been running away from grief.
As Tracey Cleantis said when I interviewed her for my book; ‘not grieving will affect your ability to be happy because it’s like anaesthetic. And when you take an anaesthetic it doesn’t just numb the childless piece, everything else will be affected. When you numb, you numb.’
If you’re a regular reader of my blog you’ll know that I spent years stuffing everything I didn’t want to feel into a box. In went sadness, grief, anger, disappointment, etc, etc. You’ve got the picture.
I realise now that I also anaesthetized all the good things in my life, so I also couldn’t feel happiness and joy. And yes I know I was going through challenging times, but that wasn’t it, so many things that, in the past would have brought me joy, didn’t. It was like I’d lost all sense of feeling.
Do you recognise this?
You numb everything
In the last year or so I’ve been learning how to feel and in my last blog I told you how I’d been struck by a wave of grief, and this time I leaned into it and felt it all.