As I write my book I’ve asked the contributors to update their story and I’m pleased to share the first of those. I first published Helen’s story almost exactly 3 years ago and it was the first time she’d shared it openly. I’ve left the comments here so you can see the power of sharing your story, and the section in italics is new.
In the intervening 3 years I’ve got to know Helen so much better; she’s a wonderful and supportive friend and has personally helped me so much.
There is so much wisdom in her words, and I urge you to take your time reading her story. As you know, I’ve struggled to process my own grief, and if this is you, I urge you to read and learn from Helen’s story. I’ll share just one paragraph here because to me it sums up what we’re all aiming for in life. ‘.. there will always be times when the pain of childlessness rears its head. The difference now, is that I don’t judge that or push it away. I know it will pass and when it does, I shift my focus back to the good things about life. We all have the power to choose how we respond to what happens to us – and within that response lies our salvation’ Amen.
Helen is also writing a book, as she says; ‘ Written for those who wish they had a magic wand to stop the busyness, this book is part personal story, part manifesto, part loving call to arms, and part road-map. It will guide you towards living a life you love, in a step-by-step way that honours what’s inside you, rather than honouring what the outside world expects from you.’
It’s called The Magical Unfolding comes with exclusive pre-order discounts & early-bird bonuses when you pre-order between September 15 – October 15 2017. You can read more here. I know it will be wonderful and I urge you to take a look and support it if you can.
Over to Helen,
1. Where are you on your journey now?
I am in a beautiful place of peace, joy and acceptance – although I am certainly not standing still! I am in the enviable position of being able to focus all of my attention on my business/passion, on my own exciting self-development journey, on my lovely soul-mate husband, and on trying to create the time and space for us both to grow and evolve together to fulfil our dreams. Life is good and I am grateful for every day that I get to wake up and breathe. I am on an exponential growth phase right now and it is both scary, exhilarating and enthralling!
2. What’s your story?
I met my gorgeous soul-mate when I was 30, having spent 3 years living alone, getting to know myself and working out what I wanted in life – which certainly wasn’t children! I remember having a conversation with him about it not long after we met, and worrying about the fact that even though I knew in my gut that he was ‘the one’, our views on having children were very different – and I didn’t know how we would transcend that.
Life likes to play games of course, so this all changed completely when I was utterly taken over by the unstoppable force of the ‘baby-blues’ a couple of years later. By this time we were married and I was working as a Sonographer, scanning babies all day and working with those going through fertility problems. I stopped taking contraceptive and stepped onto the turning wheel of ‘constant period awareness’, along with many of my friends who were similar ages, eventually becoming pregnant after what seemed like forever. Six weeks of complete terror/excitement followed before I miscarried.
This was really hard, but despite the baby time-clock ticking away and driving me, at the back of my mind I still wasn’t sure whether I had been committed ENOUGH to having a baby – so I naturally blamed myself for not wanting the baby enough and that’s why it didn’t work out. A year later, the same thing happened again. It was easier this time, but still gut-wrenching.
By this time, most of my friends that had been equally convinced that they would never get pregnant either, that had shared my fears and understood the journey as we travelled it together, were now mothers. One by one, they all got pregnant, until I was the last one without a child. At the time I wasn’t sure which hurt more – the fact that I didn’t have a baby, or the fact that I was the only one amongst them that remembered how it felt to be on that side of the fence as they all started to forget.